by | Dec 2, 2021
30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans
I loved this book! When my book club selected it, I wondered if it would be filled with trite tips that I’ve heard a million times before. Not so! There were many gems that inspired me to look at things in a new way and to take action to live a more fulfilling life.
The author, Dr. Karl Pillemer, who I’ll call Dr. P, offers sage advice from the many “experts” he interviewed. What made someone an expert? Having lived most of their life already – people in their late sixties to well over a hundred years old.
Here are some of my top takeaways.
Love
Marry or commit to someone who shares your values and enjoys doing some of the same things you enjoy. Lust will fade and morph into something deeper, so make sure your partner is someone you’d want to be friends with for life, someone you can be yourself with, and who you enjoy talking with and listening to. Sounds simple, but early passion can seriously cloud our judgment on this.
Parenting
For most of us, we’ll be parents of adults for the majority of our parenting years. I know firsthand that the 18 or so years our kids live with us go by in a flash. Don’t be controlling, critical, strict, and unapproachable when your kids are young. If you are, why would they want to spend time with you when they grow up? Be fun, loving, easy-going, and open-minded. Encourage your kids to live the lives they choose, not the lives you think they should live. That way they’ll be excited to share their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and true identities with you over the many long decades you’ll likely share as adults. As we age, we want our kids in our lives as much as possible, and it will be their choice. Make it an easy choice.
Happiness
The experts unanimously agreed, and research proves that the happiness that comes from external events or the acquisition of material possessions is ridiculously short lived. Buying that Porsche or house by the beach, marrying your true love or landing the dream job… may provide an extremely brief sense of pleasure. But in short order, we’re back to our happiness set point and have moved on to fantasizing about a bigger home, a higher salary, or a less hectic family life. When the experts reflected back over their long lives, they could clearly see that true happiness came from gratitude for what they already had, deep connections to people they love, and simple things like a beautiful sunset or a great conversation.
Worry
Don’t worry. Worry is pointless and harmful to all involved. Dr. P claims that every expert agreed with this in some way and regretted spending too much of their precious time and energy worrying. There were stories of worry over everything from losing a job to losing a child. Such powerful stories. Some left me in tears. And regardless of the source or weight of the worry, all concurred that it didn’t help a thing. Recommended alternatives to worry were planning, practicing gratitude, and taking action to make changes that need to be made. This makes sense, right?
Health
Eat healthy, exercise, don’t smoke. Don’t drink too much alcohol. This was unanimous advice again. People who claim to be fine with cutting a few years off their life by living however they damn well please are sorely misguided. Unhealthy choices aren’t likely to cause you to drop dead in an instant, they’re likely to cause decades of preventable chronic illness that leaves you riddled with pain, immobile and depressed, a burden to your family, and deeply regretful that you didn’t make changes much earlier in life.
Conclusion
So, how about we all agree to seek more genuine happiness, to worry less, to prioritize our health, and to be more kind, warm, loving, connected, and less judgmental in our closest relationships? I’m certain that Dr. P and the experts, many of whom are no longer with us here on earth, would be so happy that we chose to apply their wisdom to our lives.